


Just Tell Her

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24354886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Bucky has been hiding his true feelings for you, placing his words in an absent Steve’s mouth just to see you smile.  As other members of the team begin to realise what he is doing, he knows he must confess before you hear it from someone else.  The problem is, he knows it will break your heart.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 55





	Just Tell Her

Over the months, Bucky had easily fallen into a routine. A routine that revolved around you. He made it his own personal mission to be there for you, to make sure you dealt with your grief without becoming weighed down by it. His ‘Steve’ strategy certainly helped, bringing your smile back each time he casually mentioned something Steve had noticed about you. So what if it wasn’t true? So what if it was Bucky’s observations and not Steve’s? It made you happy and that was the most important thing to him. 

The monthly movie night had been reinstated. Scott had insisted that the team bonding time was needed, and he had been right. Everyone took up their usual positions, leaving empty spaces where fallen teammates once sat. Bucky saw your smile drop as you looked across to where Nat would usually sit, leaning against Clint and providing entertaining commentary for everyone. The seat beside you was also vacant. Tony’s favourite spot. He used to say it was the best seat in the house, perfect for optimal viewing and positioned for the best surround sound experience. 

“Maybe we should have a switch round?” Scott looked around at everybody, sensing the tension in the room.

“Okay, everyone up in the middle.” Clint bounced to his feet, shaking his arms as if he were loosening up for some physical activity rather than switching seats. Reluctantly, everyone got up and joined him. “I’m gonna take the best seat in the house.” He smirked, causing others to smile and protest. The challenge was on. 

Bruce counted down from five, and Clint, you, Peter and Bucky all dove for the space once occupied by Stark. You had grabbed Clint’s arm, shoving him out of the way while Bucky had picked up Peter and placed him up on the coffee table before leaping onto the sofa and sprawling across the coveted space with a victorious smile. A smile which only dipped slightly when you fell on top of him milliseconds later. 

“Shit. Sorry Buck. Looks like the seat is yours.” You chuckled lightly, rolling off him and considering where to sit. 

“Maybe we could share it? Look, I’ll shift over a little and you park yourself here, that way we both get the best seat.” He offered, sitting up and scooting over. 

“Okay. You do realise this now makes you my new movie buddy? Tony used to have an endless supply of snacks, what are you bringing?” you teased as you sank down on the cushion beside him, your leg brushing his even though there was more than enough room for you both to stretch out without making contact. 

“I can do snacks. I’ll go grab the Nutella and some breadsticks. Just make sure you don’t let Barton sneak into my spot.” Bucky grinned, getting to his feet.

“Nutella and breadsticks? That’s my favourite movie snack!” Your face lit up, and as you smiled at him, he felt his heart hammering in his chest.

“Yeah, Steve noticed it, said someone should keep an extra jar in the top cupboard in case you ran out.” He shrugged, turning away from you as his cheeks heated a little. 

Sam rolled his eyes at the comment, knowing full well that is wasn’t Steve keeping a secret stash of your favourite foods. Clint had picked up on the conversation too, frowning slightly. Something felt ‘off’, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

As everyone settled in, focusing on the movie, Bucky surreptitiously stretched his arms out along the back of the sofa, sneaking his right arm behind you. The flicker of light from the screen on your face had him enchanted. Sitting this close to you, having you absentmindedly lean into him as you dipped breadsticks into the jar of chocolate spread, had a warmth growing within him. 

Bucky was so busy watching you that he didn’t notice the little looks Clint shot your way. It was obvious to everyone that you and Bucky were getting close, and that the former Winter Soldier had more than just a small schoolboy crush on you, but there was something playing at the edge of Clint’s mind he couldn’t quite focus on. 

Part way through the movie, Wanda called a ‘bathroom break’ and everything was paused, allowing people to replenish snacks and use the facilities. Bucky watched you head off towards the bathroom with a soft smile on his face.

“So, you told her yet?” Sam asked, bringing him out of his reverie.

“Sam, look, just leave it.” Bucky growled, his brow furrowing.

“Leave what? What are we leaving?” Peter asked as he bounced back into his seat with a large bag of chips.

“Bucky’s got goo goo eyes for our girl.” Sam said pointedly, not looking away from his friend.

“Nice move, the old yawn and stretch. A classic really.” Scott grinned.

“Shut up.” Buck glared, but nobody was the least bit intimidated.

“That’s what it was!” Clint practically exploded in a eureka moment. “The chocolate thing! Steve never noticed that, let alone put a stash aside for her, that’s all you. OH MY GOD!”

“Yep,” Sam nodded.

“And he..?” Clint spluttered.

“Yep,” Sam confirmed.

“And she..?” Clint’s eyebrows rose.

“Yep,” Sam shook his head.

“Oh man! Is he..?” Clint’s tone swiftly becoming so high only dogs could hear.

“Nope,” Sam sighed, knowing Bucky wasn’t about to tell her the truth.

“How long?” Scott asked curiously.

“How long what? Come on guys, can we not have this conversation right now?” Running his hand over his face, Bucky felt almost claustrophobic. If these guys had figured it out then you would too and then what would he do?

“How long have you been telling her Steve has said stuff he didn’t say?” Peter asked before shoving more chips into his mouth.

“What?” You voice cut through the conversation and they all froze, Bucky’s eyes growing wide, afraid to turn and see you standing in the doorway.

“It’s not…” He began to protest but you cut him off.

“You- You’ve been making it all up?” The hurt was so evident in your voice and your teammates had the decency to look sheepish. Without waiting for an answer, you turned and headed down the hallway, trying to get as far away from all of them as you could. 

Bucky leapt over the sofa and sprinted after you, skidding to a halt as he rounded the corner.

“I’m sorry.” He called out, causing you to freeze on the spot, your back to him. Those two words didn’t even touch the sides of what he was feeling. “I- I never meant to make things worse. Fuck. I’ve made such a mess of everything. I just…” he trailed off, words failing him. There was nothing he could say to fix this, to bring back your smile. “I- I’ve never…” He ran his fingers through his hair, his shoulders slumped as he looked at you, unable to read what was going through your mind. “I miss him. You miss him. I’m sure he really did think you are amazing because, well, you are. You’re caring and fun and so fucking smart.”

“Not smart enough to see this.” The harsh edge in your voice was like razor blades to his skin and it took everything in him not to flinch, not that you were even looking at him to notice.

“Look, I know there’s nothing I can say that will make any of this make sense to you. I saw you hurting, and I wanted to take that away, to help you, to- to stop all the bad things because you don’t deserve even a second of sadness. And when I talked about Steve it made you smile, made you happy and I like being the guy who makes you happy. Even if it wasn’t real, you were happy. We were happy. I- I didn’t want to let that go. I guess I wanted that to be how we were, because for a moment there I believed that maybe I deserved you and…” he scrambled to find the words, torn between his feelings and an explanation. How could he tell you that he lied to you because he was hopelessly in love with you? “And for a second I thought I could be more than this total mess that I am. I know, I’m no Steve, but…”

“You don’t have to be Steve. Nobody is asking you to be anyone other than just you.” You turned to face him, your arms flung out in frustration, obviously trying to make sense of all this while feeling your world blown apart yet again. “You don’t need to pretend that you are anything more than you are. We’re all broken, Buck. We all lost people. I felt like we were bonding over memories of Steve and now I find- I find that was all a lie? Everything between us was a lie?”

“I meant every word.” He said softly, his vision blurred with unshed tears as his heart was breaking in his chest. This was it. You would hate him now so he may as well lay it all out there. “There are a million little things that are ingrained in my memory. A million little things that are just so you. The little hint of a smile you get when you’re trying not to find Sam funny. The way you pat Scott on the left shoulder when he says something ridiculous, but you don’t want to say that. The way you have a different bookmark for each of the five books you are currently reading because sometimes the plot of one gets too sad so you start reading a happier one until you feel you can deal with the sadness. How you never tie your shoelaces. The look of concentration you get when you’re reading some fanfiction on your phone but don’t want Clint to realise. The little bounce you do when you find the perfect gif for a situation. How beautiful you look wrapped in a blanket with your hair all over the place as you softly snore when you’ve fallen asleep on the sofa.”

His eyes met yours and he knew everything he felt was written right there for you to see, no barriers, no hiding, just how much you really meant to him and he knew he would do absolutely anything for you. “I regret hurting you but I don’t regret making you smile for a single second because when you smile, the whole world is a little brighter and- and you have no idea what that smile of yours does to a guy.”

“Is that you talking, or ‘Steve’?” you asked pointedly, although he noticed the slight upward quirk at the corners of your lips. 

“All me, doll.” He said earnestly.

“You’re an idiot.” There was a hint of affection in your tone, at least he hoped there was.

“I know.”

“A really big idiot.”

“Huge. Biggest on the planet.”

“I don’t know I’d go that far, I mean, have you met everyone on the planet?” And there was that smile of yours, the one that send his body into meltdown until he was little more than a puddle on the floor. 

“I’m sorry.” He said softly.

“I know.” There was a long pause between you, both uncertain what this now meant for your friendship. 

“You think we can get past this?” He asked, no longer letting the question hang in the air between you.

“I don’t know.” You replied honestly. “Is there anything else you’re hiding from me? Because I don’t think I could take finding out you were keeping something else from me.”

“Just that I am in love with you, have been from the first time I saw you smile.” Bucky sighed, unsure this was really the time for such confessions but he didn’t want it to come back and bite him in the ass at a later date when you worked out how he felt about you. “I know I don’t stand a chance but, well, no more secrets.”

“No more secrets.” You agreed, stepping closer and taking his hands in yours. “And in the spirit of honesty, I just want to say that you don’t ‘know’ anything. I think that you stand an incredibly good chance with me. Now, how about we go binge watch something together? Have some you and me time? No mention of Steve.” The teasing smile on your face sent a wave of relief through him. You didn’t hate him. You wanted to spend time with him. You…

“Wait. I- I really have a shot with you?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He’d figured you might forgive him enough to rebuild your friendship but anything else had been nothing more than fantasy.

“Like I said, you’re an idiot.” You chuckled, shaking your head as you led him towards your room, still hurting but knowing that his stupid actions had come from a good place.


End file.
